Alvino's Joke Book

Everybody loves a good joke/ TRUE?
Everyone loves to [b]LOL[/b] or LAUGH OUT LOUD (for old farts)
or ROFLMAO (ROlling On Floor Laughing My And1 shorts Off) and why not share it with the whole wide YFC community. Share the Fun and Laughter, if God gave you a Talent to bring a smile to someones face and brighten up their day, then POST;

these are the rules;
1. No Racism
2. No Sexism
3. No Maliciousness/Sexual Content/Unnecessary words
4. No Ageism
5. No Homosexual reference
6. No Abuse to animals
7. No jokes based on hair colour (blonde Jokes)
8. NO OFFENSIVE/INDECENT Language
9. No Insult towards anyone (remember RESPECT!)
10. Be Silly and Spontaneous (thats the way!)


Dont forget:
"Laughter Is the Best Medicine" ...... next to panadol

Yes YEs YES, its my joke time: heres my current pick
disclaimer: might not be or can be very funny, depends on your sense of humour
Chuck Norris Jokes:
Note: the Punchlines for these jokes are based on the idea that Chuck Norris was the
GREATEST ACTION HERO that ever lived. He Is one LEAN MEAN FIGHTING MACHINE! Enjoy

1. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
2. Chuck Norris counted to Infinity..... twice
3. Chuck Norris doesnt use Mouthwash, he uses flaming lava to melt off the junk in his teeth
4. There are no 'ctrl' buttons on Chuck Norris' computer. CHuck Norris is always in control
5. Chuck Norris can kill 2 stones with one bird (love this one always a cracker)
6. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris'd
7.It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
8.Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink. (another cracker)
9.Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
10. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
11. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
12. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.



ALRITE THAT ENOUGH ABOUT CHUCK NORRIS!!!!

knock knock
who's there?
yah..
yah who?
dot com





hm, that wasn't funny

lmao, i have my usual Chuck Norris jokes. (ill keep off the rude ones, but theyre so funny.... LOL)

Chuck Norris' watch doesn't have number's, it just says "Time to kick ass"
Chuck Norris' calendar goes from March 31 to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, "You want fries with that" because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't ever want fries with anything. Ever.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.
When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
Chuck Norris does not age. Every birthday, it's just another year added to his existence, which sucks for you.
Chuck Norris has never had a surprise birthday party. He can NEVER be surprised. EVER.
Chuck Norris does not dance. He roundhouse kicks to the beat.
When Chuck Norris throws a boomerang, the boomerang does not return because it is scared to come back.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
There are actually 8 wonders of the world. Chuck Norris being the 8th.







gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHAHAHAHAHHHA

heres a couple of corny filo jokes for you...

These are excuse notes from parents (including original spelling)
collected by schools from all over the country.

My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please
execute him.
- hala! Sige. Silya elektrika at bitay. Sabay pa! O kaya niyo yun?

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
- pag nag-absent pala papatayin ka...hala! Baka may rabies...

Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31,32,
and also 33.
- A grabe to. Nasa kalendaryo pa ang birthday ko kung ganon. Hahaha!

Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
- ano daw????

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a
tree and misplaced his hip.
- hanapin natin!

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
- bwehehehe... la ako masabi... Bwahahaha! Ganito kasi yan. Kinagat siya
ni Lola sa noo sa gigil. Tapos nabali yung ngipin ng pustiso niya.
Hahaha!!!

Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very
close veins.
- Buti pa veins niya. Close sila. Hahahaha!!!

Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
- ah.....eh....i.....ow....u....

Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea)
(direathe) the shits. [words in ()'s were crossed out.]
- Sinabi na kasi "LBM" na lang e. Pasosyal pa kasi.

Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
- So transexual pala si Irving?

I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I
don't know what size she wear. Sally won't be in school a week from
Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
- Ala e! "Mabuhay ang Patay!!" "Mayroong Himala!!!"

Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could
not breed well.
- stud service ba yung school nya? baka gremlins siya.

Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
- Ay grabe! Iba na talaga ang mga kabataan ngayon. Hahaha!

Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat,
headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore
throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the
best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going
around, her father even got hot last night.
- hahaha, telenovela... bow. Makuwento siya ha... Kulang lang sa pansin...

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the
Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought
it was Sunday.
- YEHEEEY....winner!!!!!!!!!! Anggaling!!!! Puwede rin kaya sa office ito?

these are some filo jokes that i got from a mate, he was really amused by it and i was too so i decided to share it to ya'll, the punchline is, well if you're filo you'd know but if ur not, its because we filos have the kooolest accent, damn straight!!! F's and P's. and B's and V's for the wiiin!!

1/ What did the statue say to the other statue? ' psst, Hey, Is-statue?

2/ whats the shortest joke? jok..
3/ whats the longest joke? JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEE

oh no i run out LOL
more to come soon!